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Sep. 24th, 2002 03:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tugrikThe day may have been near-searing, the air dancing its shimmer over traffic and roof... but the night around me now gives up the secret with its crisp moonlit cool. Fall approaches, here in this land of falsely steady climate. Change. The clear, slightly-chilled skies bring promises of the Time of Telescopes; the winter stars begging to be studied, there just under the horizon. Soon, soon. I'm out in my back yard for a while wearing only the moonlight, glad to feel the little skin-shivers the algid air brings.
Staying too long just brings the amber-lit fencerails and telephone poles into focus, breaking the spell and surrounding me with Suburbia. So in I come, to tap away on my little terminal to the world. Sometimes it just takes until 3:30 to find inspiration, that's all.
I'm only awake because I was tracking a frame relay outage in some obscure little data center on the New Jersey shore. When it finally finished I jotted a wrap-up to the bossman, and powered down. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust before I realized the moon was still out in full, causing me to wander out into it. I used to do that a lot as a kid, and never really lost the habit when I got older. Pardon the airheaded writing that lead into this entry; I just get that way in the few moments after stepping back In. Being Out does that.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
traveller_blues knows what I mean.
The theme of change is pretty constant right now. My landlord wishes to sell, but after speaking with a mortgage specialist I've found I cannot afford to buy. My workplace has entered a new gear, complete with the chugging and puffing of shifting too early, but we didn't stall and are on our way up in speed. The relationships to my roomates, past, present-long, and present-recent, have encountered subtle shifts that have me thoughtful, but in positive ways. The relations with my parents have found similar. The dietary habits are on the eve of a forced march, the desire for alternative energy is being sold off like a slave one is ashamed to have owned and a core enthusiasm has become questioned.
So many things to update. So little mental bandwidth this late at night.
Amidst it all, mild turmoil in roleplayed lives online. Things that in the past would have elated me or bothered me, either one to the point of emotional extremes, are being seen as distant and treated with caution and more grace than before. A sign of maturing? Or a sign of interest eroded with time? That one will play out on its own, and like most all of my roleplayed life, will stay out of LJ. I only meniton this much as it's another facet of the change in this meta-season, years long.
8 years in this house. The longest stay in any one place since being placed on the earth. Sure, I've known all along it was temporary, unstable, but a rental in a world of shifting loyalities and insane housing costs. It's just that eight years lets you forget. To say the landlord's surprise call was a shocker is quite accurate. Some friends have lined up on one side, chanting encouragement and acceptance, in hopes I'll be able to buy and join the ranks of the Homeowners. Others nod distantly, anywhere from uninvolved to slightly envious I'd be able to consider such option. Unsurprisingly, the line of wealth is what divides those groups. I'm straddling it, the cold foot in an empty bank account and the warm one in a well paying job, the body only held down by modest debt, leaving me with just enough weight for good momentum. I'll keep walking the line for a while.
----
Tomorrow is the appointment with the knee-doc, and I'll hopefully get some long-term answers about this hobble. Once I'm back in a more rested, logical state of mind I'll explain these little change-fragments, as each one probably deserves a smaller entry of its own.
Sleep well, friends, if you aren't already. And if you've not stood in the moonlight in a while -- take a moment. It's often the quiet things that matter.
Staying too long just brings the amber-lit fencerails and telephone poles into focus, breaking the spell and surrounding me with Suburbia. So in I come, to tap away on my little terminal to the world. Sometimes it just takes until 3:30 to find inspiration, that's all.
I'm only awake because I was tracking a frame relay outage in some obscure little data center on the New Jersey shore. When it finally finished I jotted a wrap-up to the bossman, and powered down. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust before I realized the moon was still out in full, causing me to wander out into it. I used to do that a lot as a kid, and never really lost the habit when I got older. Pardon the airheaded writing that lead into this entry; I just get that way in the few moments after stepping back In. Being Out does that.
traveller_blues knows what I mean.The theme of change is pretty constant right now. My landlord wishes to sell, but after speaking with a mortgage specialist I've found I cannot afford to buy. My workplace has entered a new gear, complete with the chugging and puffing of shifting too early, but we didn't stall and are on our way up in speed. The relationships to my roomates, past, present-long, and present-recent, have encountered subtle shifts that have me thoughtful, but in positive ways. The relations with my parents have found similar. The dietary habits are on the eve of a forced march, the desire for alternative energy is being sold off like a slave one is ashamed to have owned and a core enthusiasm has become questioned.
So many things to update. So little mental bandwidth this late at night.
Amidst it all, mild turmoil in roleplayed lives online. Things that in the past would have elated me or bothered me, either one to the point of emotional extremes, are being seen as distant and treated with caution and more grace than before. A sign of maturing? Or a sign of interest eroded with time? That one will play out on its own, and like most all of my roleplayed life, will stay out of LJ. I only meniton this much as it's another facet of the change in this meta-season, years long.
8 years in this house. The longest stay in any one place since being placed on the earth. Sure, I've known all along it was temporary, unstable, but a rental in a world of shifting loyalities and insane housing costs. It's just that eight years lets you forget. To say the landlord's surprise call was a shocker is quite accurate. Some friends have lined up on one side, chanting encouragement and acceptance, in hopes I'll be able to buy and join the ranks of the Homeowners. Others nod distantly, anywhere from uninvolved to slightly envious I'd be able to consider such option. Unsurprisingly, the line of wealth is what divides those groups. I'm straddling it, the cold foot in an empty bank account and the warm one in a well paying job, the body only held down by modest debt, leaving me with just enough weight for good momentum. I'll keep walking the line for a while.
----
Tomorrow is the appointment with the knee-doc, and I'll hopefully get some long-term answers about this hobble. Once I'm back in a more rested, logical state of mind I'll explain these little change-fragments, as each one probably deserves a smaller entry of its own.
Sleep well, friends, if you aren't already. And if you've not stood in the moonlight in a while -- take a moment. It's often the quiet things that matter.
