Coredump, Pt. 3
Mar. 8th, 2002 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tugrikSuddenly, I realize part of why I've not done journaling since college. I type about 120wpm or something stupid like that, and when I get on a roll I just keep going. I end up writing enough that I'm concerned what I say loses any impact, simply by having too much data within too small a timeframe.
I was just never much one for scheduling ideaflow to presentation. I'd make a terrible newspaper editor. You'd get days of single-page issues, and then periods of a day or two where the newspaper would look more like a phone book and would break the poor paperboy's back. The idea of scheduling lower-priority stories to come out later to help fill out thinner days just never really worked for me. :)
------
Okay, I'll stick in at least one 'this is whot happun'd t'day' type post. I'll cheat because it happened last weekend, actually. But hey, I have some catching up to do.
My ladyfriend from Georgia came out for a four-day stay. It was to be a 3rd chance of sorts to see if we could turn our mutual desire for each other into a real Relationship. On the mechanical/logical layout of things, it was pretty decent: we both respected each other. We both were fascinated by each other. We both are looking to find (or re-find?) Adventure in life. We both are looking for longer term involvement in our lives, and both of us would be more than glad make Parenting our Big Adventure. We have many interests that cross well, and we can respect, or at least appreciate, the places where we differ. So on a basic 'fill out this form and see what matches' basis, it was pretty well set up.
Where the hands touch and the kisses meet, it went okay as well. We get along physically; we enjoy each other's presence. We Have Fun. Things we do together, for the most part, are regretless. We could fire each others life-passions well. I happily encouraged her Motorcycle desires, and honestly think I turned a little bit of kindling there into the beginnings of a full on bonfire. She pushes me more towards the human side of life; reconnecting with people, with Just Existing there in the moment, and not always stepping out and 'observing' like I tend to do.
In the end, though... things kind of trailed off. I'm not quite enough for her; she needs someone a bit more chaotic than I, most likely. I wasn't willing to commit to as many things as I properly should to make it a more solid relationship. Her world and mine, while they're respectful and in fact fascinated by each other to some degree... are still different enough, that the boundaries are pretty stiff and hard to climb over. I had troubles dealing with her moods and feelings. She's depressed now and then, and manages it very well, but I didn't adapt to those moods and it caused some awkwarness. For that I apologize, and it shows me what more I have to learn when it comes to human interaction.
She's returned to Georgia. The answer to the Question that was this weekend: she's off to find out more of what she wants out of life. That may or may not include me. My primary result of this visit was to be honestly hopeful for her that she finds what she really wants to do. If it doesn't include me, I can accept it and move on, with maybe a hint of wistfulness, but no bad feelings. If it does include me, it's going to be a challenge, for I must learn to accept her just as much in return, and I don't know how good I'll be at that. I'm up for the challenge, but currenly in a distracted, decision-gate point in my life as well, so I'm probably not giving the situation as much mental bandwidth as it deserves.
We're friends. Of this I'm sure. We're willing to be lovers, when the mood strikes on both sides, and I'm glad/proud to be so. And I'm pretty darn sure we'll be Motorcycle Buddies if we end up living close enough (or with each other). That part just makes me smile... knowing that I'd love to ride side-by-side (or on the same bike) with her anytime, no matter what else was going on in life. Riding as a family, or my future family riding along hers, both of us with different partners. I just find that pretty cool.
When the weekend was over... both of us had questions about our future. Both of us had friends in each other.
She had her first pair of properly safe, leather motorcycling gloves... and a newly stoked passion for motorcycling.
And me? I had a new earring, done by a professional at a body-mod shop called "Zebra" in Berkeley. A nice big 8ga, 1"-dia silver ring, in my left ear. Something that I can honestly say I really wanted to do, but this generic 'uh, that's not my kind of place' suburbanite never would have actually done without her there.
----
Flat sheet of hot metal
...and with that last post, I'm off to a nice teppan dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Edamame and garlic steak...mmmm! I can already think of another journal topic I'll have to put in later on: my minor fascination with Japanese culture, and the calmness it brings.
--Tug
I was just never much one for scheduling ideaflow to presentation. I'd make a terrible newspaper editor. You'd get days of single-page issues, and then periods of a day or two where the newspaper would look more like a phone book and would break the poor paperboy's back. The idea of scheduling lower-priority stories to come out later to help fill out thinner days just never really worked for me. :)
------
Okay, I'll stick in at least one 'this is whot happun'd t'day' type post. I'll cheat because it happened last weekend, actually. But hey, I have some catching up to do.
My ladyfriend from Georgia came out for a four-day stay. It was to be a 3rd chance of sorts to see if we could turn our mutual desire for each other into a real Relationship. On the mechanical/logical layout of things, it was pretty decent: we both respected each other. We both were fascinated by each other. We both are looking to find (or re-find?) Adventure in life. We both are looking for longer term involvement in our lives, and both of us would be more than glad make Parenting our Big Adventure. We have many interests that cross well, and we can respect, or at least appreciate, the places where we differ. So on a basic 'fill out this form and see what matches' basis, it was pretty well set up.
Where the hands touch and the kisses meet, it went okay as well. We get along physically; we enjoy each other's presence. We Have Fun. Things we do together, for the most part, are regretless. We could fire each others life-passions well. I happily encouraged her Motorcycle desires, and honestly think I turned a little bit of kindling there into the beginnings of a full on bonfire. She pushes me more towards the human side of life; reconnecting with people, with Just Existing there in the moment, and not always stepping out and 'observing' like I tend to do.
In the end, though... things kind of trailed off. I'm not quite enough for her; she needs someone a bit more chaotic than I, most likely. I wasn't willing to commit to as many things as I properly should to make it a more solid relationship. Her world and mine, while they're respectful and in fact fascinated by each other to some degree... are still different enough, that the boundaries are pretty stiff and hard to climb over. I had troubles dealing with her moods and feelings. She's depressed now and then, and manages it very well, but I didn't adapt to those moods and it caused some awkwarness. For that I apologize, and it shows me what more I have to learn when it comes to human interaction.
She's returned to Georgia. The answer to the Question that was this weekend: she's off to find out more of what she wants out of life. That may or may not include me. My primary result of this visit was to be honestly hopeful for her that she finds what she really wants to do. If it doesn't include me, I can accept it and move on, with maybe a hint of wistfulness, but no bad feelings. If it does include me, it's going to be a challenge, for I must learn to accept her just as much in return, and I don't know how good I'll be at that. I'm up for the challenge, but currenly in a distracted, decision-gate point in my life as well, so I'm probably not giving the situation as much mental bandwidth as it deserves.
We're friends. Of this I'm sure. We're willing to be lovers, when the mood strikes on both sides, and I'm glad/proud to be so. And I'm pretty darn sure we'll be Motorcycle Buddies if we end up living close enough (or with each other). That part just makes me smile... knowing that I'd love to ride side-by-side (or on the same bike) with her anytime, no matter what else was going on in life. Riding as a family, or my future family riding along hers, both of us with different partners. I just find that pretty cool.
When the weekend was over... both of us had questions about our future. Both of us had friends in each other.
She had her first pair of properly safe, leather motorcycling gloves... and a newly stoked passion for motorcycling.
And me? I had a new earring, done by a professional at a body-mod shop called "Zebra" in Berkeley. A nice big 8ga, 1"-dia silver ring, in my left ear. Something that I can honestly say I really wanted to do, but this generic 'uh, that's not my kind of place' suburbanite never would have actually done without her there.
----
Flat sheet of hot metal
...and with that last post, I'm off to a nice teppan dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Edamame and garlic steak...mmmm! I can already think of another journal topic I'll have to put in later on: my minor fascination with Japanese culture, and the calmness it brings.
--Tug
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no subject
Date: 2002-03-09 03:45 pm (UTC)the lj-cut tag is explained in the faq, which i know you can find. but you just put lj-cut in the little html less-than/greater-than brackets, and everything after that will be a little hyperlink that says "read more" or something like. If you want it to say something different, use lj-cut text="your text here" inside the brackets.
or maybe i just wanted to draw attention to myself.