Coredump, Pt. 1
Mar. 8th, 2002 05:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tugrikI keep wandering past my own LJ page here, and clicking on that 'update journal' button. I think about paths I want to take, things I want to share, and I keep backing off. Somewhere between indecisiveness and a usual pattern of keeping my mental wanderings to myself lies the reason I haven't started journaling earlier.
So, I'll embark on a little coredump of things popping around in my mind. This will at least get me started.
---
Weight.
I hate the wishywashy 'why I am this way/what I'm doing about it/self-propping-up' stuff I always see other heavy folk post about themselves. I'll make mine short: Grew up fat. Moved to California; got deskjob, lowered physical activity. Got REAL fat as a result. Disliked it, but accepted it. Finally got pissed off at it, been working on it for about 8 months now. Result: slow, but steady, success. Unless you know me real well, you won't see a difference. Hell, I could lose another 80-100lbs and the average casual co-worker won't notice, on me. Internally, however, it's made all the difference. I Feel Good. It's nice to get out of bed, get up from a chair, or get out of the chair at the deskjob... and not feel so tired/sore all the time. Over time, the weightloss might actually show. Here's hopin'. :)
Long, gentle changes form habits that stick around for a lifetime. Unless something major changes in my life, I expect this 'downward trend' to continue, and be all the happier for it.
If you know me RL and you *do* notice things improving, say something. An honest comment in this area can make me smile all day. At the same time, if you don't, don't. False praise is worse than none. I have some friends that I wish I could tell this to, but I cannot without hurting 'em (and no, they don't read Livejournal). Never tell a fat person 'wow, you look like you're losing weight!' when they're obviously not -- it's a form of shallowness that's quite painful. It's amazing how many non-overweight people believe that they're being helpful by 'cheering up' the person with such fake comments.
-----
Passions
The phrase "jack of all trades, master of none" somewhat applies here. Most of my life was spent constantly re-adjusting to new environments, and building environments that could follow me consistantly while the family moved to and fro. I fully blame this facet for my early and deep involvement in computer networked communities. For the curious, I was probing around Michnet via the AnnArbor gateways (and fun places like M-Net) back in 1985 or so. It was nice to be able to 'return somewhere' no matter where one ended up being moved to. But that's another long journal entry by itself.
I've now been in the same house for 8 years. This's a first for me, and for most of my family in general. I also have had a steady job/income since about 2 days of stepping foot in California (back in late 1993). Instead of spending time and socialization points on constant re-mapping to new places/new people, I could actually settle in and try to Figure Out What I Want.
I've spent years now trying things out. Photography, home entertainment (high end audio/hometheater stuff), computers, networking (running an ISP or two), motorcycling, RC modelling (planes and cars), Burning Man, videogame addiction, MUCK roleplaying... all together it sums up to a few easy bits of fun and a bigger sampling of Things I Wanted To Do As a Kid And Could Never Afford To. I've found satisfaction in certain parts of each one... but some have died out, while others evolved into new things. Still, nothing really has clicked in that I really want to do this way. I have a lot of friends who have a true passion for something, and take it all the way. They become experts at it and enjoy it as a great hobby at the least... or as a complete core to their lifestyle, at the most. I don't have anything that important. Many of my friends think I do, but I suspect it's because I try so many things that they get the opinion I'm more 'into' something than I am.
I'm finally figuring out a common thread to most of these little experiment-hobbies and trial experiences. The answer is still forming... and will get better defined in the near future. The core of the answer is clear, though: Adventuring.
Bits and pieces of this have been coming out for the last decade: Camping trips. Long roadtrips. Exploration of the roads around where I live, to find the places people normally don't go. Turning that into motorcycling, and touring the areas with a farther reach. Regular attendance of outdoor festivals, including some rather over-the-top ones like BurningMan. Still, only little "safe" bits. Never too far away, never too long.
I'm ready for the next step, after this most-of-a-decade now. I want to become serious about adventuring. I find inside the desire to fill a backpack with what's needed to survive, and *go somewhere*, for a month... maybe even 'open ended' with no real timeframe on it. "Wander the Earth," is one way I've heard it said. Most likely that backpack will get strapped to the back of a dualsport bike; one of those 'go anywhere' kinds that are seen in National Geographic slogging through the Gobi Desert, with a dust-covered veteran photographer at the handlebars.
I'll always stay in contact; the Internet is wonderful that way. I have much to do and to change to make this possible in life: clean up the finances, learn new skills, keep up the weight loss, build up a little bit of cash reserve. I'm hoping to find others to take with me on such Adventures that I'd wish to have... but most of the friends I have now are settled in with a lifestyle and/or situation that would make such things not their cup of tea. For now I'm planning to rely upon meeting new friends on the way, and keeping in touch with existing friends through the 'net, as I do now. My other skills (such as photography) will get used, in a hopefully more satisfying and important way.
I hate how cheezily Travel Channel it all sounds... but jeez. I'm tired of living in the burbs and working a job just to get The Next Toy to keep me occupied. I want the Next Life Experience. I've already started small... now to do it bigger, one step at a time.
-----
This post is now nastily long, and I've got NO idea how to crop it with a silly (More To Come) title thingy. I'm new to LJ. The coredump will contine soon, maybe even later this evening, but in a new post.
--Tug
So, I'll embark on a little coredump of things popping around in my mind. This will at least get me started.
---
Weight.
I hate the wishywashy 'why I am this way/what I'm doing about it/self-propping-up' stuff I always see other heavy folk post about themselves. I'll make mine short: Grew up fat. Moved to California; got deskjob, lowered physical activity. Got REAL fat as a result. Disliked it, but accepted it. Finally got pissed off at it, been working on it for about 8 months now. Result: slow, but steady, success. Unless you know me real well, you won't see a difference. Hell, I could lose another 80-100lbs and the average casual co-worker won't notice, on me. Internally, however, it's made all the difference. I Feel Good. It's nice to get out of bed, get up from a chair, or get out of the chair at the deskjob... and not feel so tired/sore all the time. Over time, the weightloss might actually show. Here's hopin'. :)
Long, gentle changes form habits that stick around for a lifetime. Unless something major changes in my life, I expect this 'downward trend' to continue, and be all the happier for it.
If you know me RL and you *do* notice things improving, say something. An honest comment in this area can make me smile all day. At the same time, if you don't, don't. False praise is worse than none. I have some friends that I wish I could tell this to, but I cannot without hurting 'em (and no, they don't read Livejournal). Never tell a fat person 'wow, you look like you're losing weight!' when they're obviously not -- it's a form of shallowness that's quite painful. It's amazing how many non-overweight people believe that they're being helpful by 'cheering up' the person with such fake comments.
-----
Passions
The phrase "jack of all trades, master of none" somewhat applies here. Most of my life was spent constantly re-adjusting to new environments, and building environments that could follow me consistantly while the family moved to and fro. I fully blame this facet for my early and deep involvement in computer networked communities. For the curious, I was probing around Michnet via the AnnArbor gateways (and fun places like M-Net) back in 1985 or so. It was nice to be able to 'return somewhere' no matter where one ended up being moved to. But that's another long journal entry by itself.
I've now been in the same house for 8 years. This's a first for me, and for most of my family in general. I also have had a steady job/income since about 2 days of stepping foot in California (back in late 1993). Instead of spending time and socialization points on constant re-mapping to new places/new people, I could actually settle in and try to Figure Out What I Want.
I've spent years now trying things out. Photography, home entertainment (high end audio/hometheater stuff), computers, networking (running an ISP or two), motorcycling, RC modelling (planes and cars), Burning Man, videogame addiction, MUCK roleplaying... all together it sums up to a few easy bits of fun and a bigger sampling of Things I Wanted To Do As a Kid And Could Never Afford To. I've found satisfaction in certain parts of each one... but some have died out, while others evolved into new things. Still, nothing really has clicked in that I really want to do this way. I have a lot of friends who have a true passion for something, and take it all the way. They become experts at it and enjoy it as a great hobby at the least... or as a complete core to their lifestyle, at the most. I don't have anything that important. Many of my friends think I do, but I suspect it's because I try so many things that they get the opinion I'm more 'into' something than I am.
I'm finally figuring out a common thread to most of these little experiment-hobbies and trial experiences. The answer is still forming... and will get better defined in the near future. The core of the answer is clear, though: Adventuring.
Bits and pieces of this have been coming out for the last decade: Camping trips. Long roadtrips. Exploration of the roads around where I live, to find the places people normally don't go. Turning that into motorcycling, and touring the areas with a farther reach. Regular attendance of outdoor festivals, including some rather over-the-top ones like BurningMan. Still, only little "safe" bits. Never too far away, never too long.
I'm ready for the next step, after this most-of-a-decade now. I want to become serious about adventuring. I find inside the desire to fill a backpack with what's needed to survive, and *go somewhere*, for a month... maybe even 'open ended' with no real timeframe on it. "Wander the Earth," is one way I've heard it said. Most likely that backpack will get strapped to the back of a dualsport bike; one of those 'go anywhere' kinds that are seen in National Geographic slogging through the Gobi Desert, with a dust-covered veteran photographer at the handlebars.
I'll always stay in contact; the Internet is wonderful that way. I have much to do and to change to make this possible in life: clean up the finances, learn new skills, keep up the weight loss, build up a little bit of cash reserve. I'm hoping to find others to take with me on such Adventures that I'd wish to have... but most of the friends I have now are settled in with a lifestyle and/or situation that would make such things not their cup of tea. For now I'm planning to rely upon meeting new friends on the way, and keeping in touch with existing friends through the 'net, as I do now. My other skills (such as photography) will get used, in a hopefully more satisfying and important way.
I hate how cheezily Travel Channel it all sounds... but jeez. I'm tired of living in the burbs and working a job just to get The Next Toy to keep me occupied. I want the Next Life Experience. I've already started small... now to do it bigger, one step at a time.
-----
This post is now nastily long, and I've got NO idea how to crop it with a silly (More To Come) title thingy. I'm new to LJ. The coredump will contine soon, maybe even later this evening, but in a new post.
--Tug
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-03-08 06:10 pm (UTC)Cropping (as you are going to receive about 8,644 responses saying)-
from
http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75 :
use <lj-cut text="this is the croptext here.">
Best!!
no subject
Date: 2002-03-08 08:15 pm (UTC)*grins* As a coyote pal of mine would say, 'Sometimes you've just got to go on walkabout to get your head on straight.' The honest other facet of that tripping thing is 'knowing who you -can- take with you -- think about who you'd really want to stick on the side or back of a bike and effectively 'strand' with you for weeks on end. Mom came out here the other week with her best friend of 30 years (they met because they had 3 kids of the exact same ages -- my sister, my kid brother, and me) and after four days in Las Vegas, they were nearly at each other's throats.
IMHO, best and worst person to take with you; the other half of your relationship, if ya got one.