Are those wedding bells or a warning klaxon?

[tugrik]

Aack!

Okay, I've been to about 52 weddings, give or take a few... admittedly, as a videographer. Toting around a camera at other people's ceremonies was part of how I paid for some of my last year of school, as a cameraman and editor for Classic Videos by Brenner, located in Grand Rapids, MI. I should Google that and see if he's still in existance. In any case, I'm completely blunted to the concept of weddings now; my brain is on a forced pre-edit track whenever near one, thinking only of what shots to get and which kid-pulling-another-kids-hair cute moment would be best for B-roll material. The only wedding I've ever been invited to was my older sister's... and because I knew nothing else, I took a camera and went in a T-shirt, instead of dressing nice and sitting in the pews with everybody else. Gods, I felt so lame, thinking back on it.

Well... Invite #2 just arrived. This is my first 'non-relative' important event I've ever been invited to in my life. My old Phido-616 hackerbuddy from my late high-school days, Brian Reid, is gettin' hitched... and within a bkeable distance, too: Las Vegas. He lives in Henderson now, not far from where I used to live in Boulder City. I think this is so cool. Beaker (as some of us called him) is in love. Agent Orange, 00J, the sardonic-humor king of our section of the Fidonet and Citanet... getting married. The very idea of it makes me grin like an electronic monk on stupid pills. This dude rocks.

So... what the heck do I do?

I've video'd a ton of weddings, but never been a true attendee. Do I rent a tux? Do I buy nice clothes? All I own in this world are jeans, solid-color T-shirts, and gymwear (sweats and more solid shirts). Do I buy a gift? If so, how much should I spend? The invite says "and guest". Should I take along a friend, or is that just a courtesy slot for an SO if I have one and otherwise should show up on my own? AAaaack... too many questions. Why wasn't I paying attention during the hundreds of hours of wedding shoots?

I've not spoken a word to Brian in the last 6 years. We were on the best of terms when last we spoke, and I have the utmost respect for him -- we just were pointed different ways in different areas of the country. For all of his hackerish background, he was never into much of the social side of the early net days, so we didn't keep in touch. I want to treat him right and make a good impression, but I feel terribly ill equipped to do so.

My entire life is in the casual section of the big and tall shops, and I haven't done 'fancy' since my first terrible attempts at wearing a suit for job interviews back in 1989/90. Working in the Silicon Valley for the last decade meant that the dressiest I've ever had to do was to make sure the T-shirt I was wearing didn't have any holes torn in them by sharp rack-edges, or at least the holes that were there were hideable. I'm being dead serious here. And, the purchase of anything fancy will be a bit scary-expensive. It's impossible to rent in my size, and the part of the big-and-tall catalogs with suits and fancy button up shirts have pricetags 3-5x anything else they sell. What might be $200 of new duds for a milspec humanoid can be over $1000 in my size, even after the decent weightloss brought by these last 6+ months.

Do I have the time, the money, and the skill to Do a Wedding with the respect due to the only man who could best traveller_blues in a pun contest? It falls on a date scarily soon; I may not be fully fiscally recovered from my upcoming vacation. I really badly want to go, but I don't want to show up if it'll be an embarrasment for him.

Pardon me while I pace and fret now. I've got about 10 days to return the RSVP, so not much time to think about it. What I would give for one of my local friends to show up and play Style Consultant...

Comments

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

Every wedding I've been to has been dark suits, white shirts, subdued tie for the men and cocktail dresses for the women. Only one was black tie (tux) and a couple were specifically casual.

However I live in Brooklyn where I've been told the rules are weird, and perhaps more formal.

[points.livejournal.com]

Business casual is usually safe, unless the invitation clearly states that it is an ultra-formal event. In any rate, it is not a social gaffe to ask what the expected level of dress up should be. The 'And SO' is, as you surmised, a courtesy. If you will not be bringing one, indicate so that they can keep their guest count up to date. A gift should typically, at minimum, cover the per-person expense of the reception. This is where it is good to know how 'fancy' the wedding is planning to be (which how much you should dress up is usually a good hint of). $35-$100 is fairly standard as an individual gift when writing a check.

Hope that helps!

Tenderhearted

[scyllacat.livejournal.com]

See, this is one of those things women/girlfriends are useful for. If I could get there, I'd help you find something. It makes me go all maternal and stuff. :-}

I'm from the Deep South, where 'church clothes' and 'party clothes' are different. And weddings are 'church clothes' events over here. In Nevada, I dunno.

I have a hard time even imagining you in a shirt with buttons, but a full tux, -that- I can see. :) No, you don't wear a tux, unless you're in the wedding party.

#1. Don't panic.

#2. .... er .... um .... well, don't panic, anyway.

And good luck.

Alright, time to get it in gear.

[amilori.livejournal.com]

I have Friday off from work. Aunt Mitsu is out of town, so no Mother's day obligations other than phone calls, which can be made either Saturday or Sunday.

Step one is evaluating what you've got, seeing if you have *any* of the requisite accoutrement. Step two is deciding what you need.

What time is the wedding? This will influence the formality. Las Vegas weddings, by definition, are less formal than "hometown" weddings, although not as informal as Reno weddings. My guess is that we can get away with a pair of business casual slacks, white button-down shirt and jacket. If it's an afternoon wedding, you may be able to wear a nice cardigan sweater instead of the jacket. If I can see the invitation, that will have additional clues to formality.

If the Friday/weekend idea is not workable for you, I'm off work at 4:30-5 PM today thru Thursday, so we could work this over an evening. Call Matthew at home if you want my work number.

Idea

[paka.livejournal.com]

Maybe do dark or black turtleneck shirt and black slacks? It'd have some stretch, might be cheaper in Tug-size, and it'd give you a fair amount of freedom of movement for photography.

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

I vote you go with Ami.
Although a nice roomy and long on the body turtle neck, being a knit, may be a better shirt choice than a crisp shirt which may wrinkle and not lay well on someone built like you.
Spend the moolah on pants, which an option to tailor later.
Being as it is Vegas, you may be able to fudge with some absolutely new and perfect black jeans, but the shoes and other grooming would need to be perfect.

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

Actually, the invitation is one of the best indications. If it doesn't say 'black tie required' you don't need a tuxedo or anything extremely formal.

If you're part of the wedding party, all bets are off, though -- you wear what they tell you to, because you're going to be in all the pictures. *grins* I speak from personal experience.

Generally, standard rule of thumb is 'business-level' wear, because it's a formal event.

BUT.

This friend of yours doesn't sound like the suit and tie type -- and I'm betting that he hasn't changed much. It's possible that some folks will show up in T-shirt and jeans -- but you probably won't want to be one of them, just in case.

Safest play: call him and ask. "How formal do you expect the guests to be?" is a perfectly legetimate question. "Would you like me to bring my camera gear and volunteer to take extra pictures of the event?" is another -- because you've got a professional level rig, it's important that he knows so the photographer he's likely hired won't feel like they've got competition -- and you might be able to swap stories with the person.

Above all, though, just remember that you want to fit into the crowd of people who will be attending -- not like the wedding where K and I were almost the only non-wedding party couple dressed in Ren Faire garb. (Major oops. The couple getting married said that would be cool, but apparently most of their family wasn't Ren-Faire folk.)

And as for how much to spend on a gift -- while you're on the phone, do ask if they're registered -- that'll give you an idea of what they're looking for and how expensive they're going. (It's bad form for it to show up on the invitation, but perfectly all right to be told verbally in some form or another.)

-Traveller.

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

..and I'm not that skilled of a punster. -:)

[sassinak.livejournal.com]

OH yes you are!